my world (atashi no sekai)

mom

I wanna share my feeling in here, since it’s easier for me to writing my feeling rather than say it directly.

mom, do you know why I want to get scholarship in japan so badly?

I want to make you proud of me.

I want to be a success person as soon as I can.

I wanna have so much money, so I can buy you anything you want.

I memorize every single thing that you like.

your bags brand name, cosmetic, food, everything

I know, every time you want to buy those things, you’ll think twice. because they’re too expensive, although you have money to buy, you’ll think of us, your child.

so I want to be a success person, have so much money, then, I can buy you anything you want.

but you disagree with me, about plan to japan.

so I try as hard as I can to get accepted into a national university. yeah, if I could back to that time, before SNMPTN I’ll try harder than before. so I could get accepted to university that closer to you.

but Allah pick this place for me mom. I’m sure about that. because every pray I did, I always ask what is best for me. so this is what Allah think best for me.

mom, we never be apart like this since I was born. never.

but, when I know I got accepted in here (this national university), I’m incredibly happy. it’s normal right? when you always see “maaf anda belum diterima.” before.

it’s like “finally I have somewhere to go. I can go to college this year”.

mom, please do not cry. you know it right? whenever I saw you cry, I’ll cry with you.

but, recently, I’m trying to not cry. I wanna cry so loudly, so you know how deep my love for you. but I wont. I don’t want to make you worried because of me.

when you see me smile, while you crying, you always said “yeah I know you happy with this. you happy for being apart from me”. don’t you know mom? how hard my effort to make that bitter smile?? but, it’s okay. it’s better if you thing I’ll be happy in here. amin.

mom, if I could say “I love you more than anything in this world”. I would. but I can’t, right? there’s still Allah and his prophet.

still, I can’t imagine how my life without you.

whenever I try to imagine, my tears fall down.

mom, I’m so scared. what if Allah take you away from me? what if he thinks that I love you more than him?

In my pray, whenever I think about that, I always ask him for forgiveness.

mom, I want you to know, that I’ll always in my heart. so deep, that no one could see.

I love you so much.

you’re mom, friend, partner. (if I could say everything, you’re my everything.)

I LOVE YOU MOM! I’LL TRY AS HARD AS I CAN TO BE A SUCCESS PERSON! YOU’LL PROUD OF ME. I’M PROMISE THAT. SO WAIT ME TILL I’M BACK TO YOUR SIDE AGAIN!

Ps: yeah I know my english not that good. I’m apologize if there’s some mistake in this text (grammar, vocab, anything).

see you soon, bye!

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